Monday, August 16, 2010

Not sure what to Believe- Post-Op Day 25

When I was in middle school and high school I had a strong belief in God. I grew up Catholic, went to church every day. Was an active participant in my church youth group, even served as someone's confirmation sponsor. Ever since I went to college, and moved away from home my faith year by year has slipped away. I haven't believed in the God I believed in then for years. Every now in then though, when I'm in great need, I feel myself searching.

I know I don't want to be Catholic anymore but then what? What do I believe?

I believe in balance. Meditation always puts my mind at peace and both relaxes and strengthens my body. But this is a practice. I don't pray ever, nor have I for years. I find myself though, in this moment, desperately needing something, someone, to pray to.

I went to see my surgeon today and I was right, my bite has moved. My lower jaw, which was moved forward during the surgery has pulled back a little. Why has this happened? I don't know. My surgeon doesn't know. Its put me back in my rubber bands though for the next week. They hurt. I don't want to wear them, but what can I do? I'm scared. He said this can be fixed, but what happens when you take away the rubber bands again? Will my stubborn jaw continue to give me problems?

My father asked me tonight is I had prayed. He is a very spiritual man. He doesn't go to church every week but he loves studying religion. He believes in the inter connectivity of everything. I felt guilty telling him that I hadn't but told him that I had been sending out a lot of good energy. He smiled and said "positivity and a peaceful mind is everything." Well I do agree with him, but positivity is something I have severely been lacking over the past couple weeks. I have been feeling down, stressed, worried, all of which is bad energy. So I wondered, have I done this to myself? Has all this negativity I've been putting out there somehow reversed my healing process?

I just want to heal and be done with this. I think I just need to sit, close my eyes, and smile. Smile everywhere in my body and let this energy fill my soul. And my mantra will be: "I will get through this."

Here are some pictures.


  1. Hi Sarah!
    Well, that is certainly not the news that you wanted to hear! Staying positive is really important, and you are being postitive! These are really hard time for you right now so don't get those feeling confused with not being positive! Did the surgeon mention how much your jaw has moved back? Other than sticking you in bands, did he give you a treatment plan? You will get through this, that is forsure!! Hang in there, everything will work out!

  2. He said very little, but I asked very little. All I said was the bites changed. and he was like well let's take a look. The second he saw it he was like yeah you need the bands. I asked what caused it and he said he didn't know but that it could be fixed, and then he asked me who my ortho was, which is funny because I've told him 100 times, but I know he has a lot of patients. Anyway, he seemed concerned, but I think he's playing the wait and see game. I go back in exactly a week and then I'm hoping we get the changes we want and then we can move from there. Until then, I just have to try and stay positive and wear my bands! He did say despite the problem I look great! ha which was nice for him to say but I want everything to be going perfectly!

  3. Hang in there, tune into what your body is telling you right now, and if you feel like you need to see the surgeon before a week time is up then do it! I will pray for a perfect recovery for you, I do believe it helps!!!!

  4. Hey..Iam 5 weeks post-op (upper jaw moved forward lower back)...just wanted to say not to worry too much about this..keep those spirits up...I had similar experience...On day 2 my lower jaw did not fit into the was too far backward..I was afraid that they had overdone it in movement of my jaws and given me and overbite...i also freaked out....but they did the same thing as they are doing to you...they used rubber jaw moved forward to where it was supposed to be and the bands were removed two weeks later...Iam happy to say now 3 weeks since they were taken out my jaw is still in place...Iam sure yours will too then we could throw a party in honor of the annoying though bite saving rubber bands!..haha..hope this makes u feel better..just looking forward to that BIG TASTY meal we will be having in a couple of weeks!

  5. I was REALLY worried about this same thing - I was in some sort of rubber bands until the day my braces came off. I kept thinking - oh man, if I need to be in rubber bands and then go to nothing, won't it shift?

    In my understanding, the rubber bands are for training your muscles - so, I had to wear really strong rubber bands on my front and sides for 8 weeks after surgery, and then suddenly in the last week my front teeth started to bump - and the muscles were finally trained well enough that they didn't need as tight of bands. I went to no bands, and it started to shift back a little so they put me in weaker bands at night only... it was a game of where my muscles were struggling to go after having such a wicked overbite for so long.

    I don't know if being negative would hurt your bite, but it probably makes you feel much worse all the time. I am the praying type, so I'll send a few your way :)

    Good luck!

  6. well, at least the doctor said it could be fixed. I did have a relapse, and i went through a hell of a lot more than most people do before the surgery, to get the surgery, and from everything I've heard/read spent a lot more too. My energy or positivity had nothing to do with my jaw moving back and becoming even more painful...and I had people praying for me...Just because the answer wasn't what I wanted doesn't mean God isn't there though. God isn't all about blessing us, i've learned he's more about breaking us...which I'll admit, I hate it. It would be nice for something to turn out good for once, it really would. but don't expect it. I hope everything turns out ok for you though, but if it doesn't, life does go on. praying for you..

  7. Thanks for all the comments you guys! I think you guys are right, and I wish my surgeon could have explained it to me the way y'all did! I have had such a horrible overbite all my life that my muscles are probably just super confused right now and need to learn how to accept this new bite. Thank you guys for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. Here's to hoping that my stubborn jaw learns it's natural place! :)